Thursday, September 27, 2007

get me out of here

Jury selection for the Princess Diana inquest begins today. According to Reuters:

The long-delayed inquest will investigate how Diana and Dodi Fayed died, along with their driver Henri Paul, when their car crashed in a Paris tunnel.

The coroner, Lord Justice Scott Baker, will address potential jurors before they complete a questionnaire to gauge their eligibility.

The inquest is due to hear evidence relating to some of the most controversial aspects surrounding the couple, who died on August 31, 1997, including allegations the late Princess was pregnant.

Controversial elements? This means the inquest is likely to hear all kinds of crackpot fantasies and conspiracy theories cooked up in the minds of wackos and grieving fathers. This inquest is likely to drag on forever and come up with no more than a confirmation of the French inquiry.

I'm not eligible for jury service here, but if I were these are among the things I would do or say to exclude me from service on that jury.

  • Fake idiocy
  • Use Halloween makeup to create a seeping facial wound
  • Say "I'm glad Diana's dead and I'd like to hand a medal to the Royal Family for getting her."
  • Bring Cletus. He screams a lot anyway, but we might just leave off a feed just to ensure maximum crankiness and say "I will be able to breastfeed my baby in the jury box, won't I?"
  • Attend jury selection in my birthday suit
  • Shoot myself in the foot
He takes up hardly any room.

You see in Britain, jurors are enjoined from ever speaking on matters juridical. If it were in America, I'd be all

"Princess Diana?, never heard of her. And as for me, I'm the most objective person you'll meet."

And then I'd try to find an agent for a book deal.

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