Why I can't fly

I have to stay off planes for a while. It's not that I'm worried about dying. I figure there's just a small chance of that. But there's a near certainty that I'll be subjected to long lines, indignity and the separation of me from my stuff.

Just look what happened yesterday:

A woman passenger has been arrested after a flight from London to Washington was diverted to Boston because of an on-board disturbance.

Transport officials said the 59-year-old woman was held in connection with a confrontation with the flight crew.

And what did this woman have, according to the BBC?

She was carrying hand cream - a banned item - and matches on board the United Airlines flight.

Hand cream? Hand cream!!!? That evil cow. What was she thinking? Maybe she was thinking that it gets awful dehydrating on that plane and maybe her hands get itchy.

See, I can just see this happening to me. Not over handcream...But I have been very annoyed at the confiscation of my lighter at airport - and even more so over the subsequent reprimands.. Look buddy, you can keep the lighter and the lecture.

I've had altercations with security staff. I was once treated so roughly and rudely that I seriously considered filing a complaint (but, of course, I had a flight to catch). Jumped up security guards are now given carte blanche to select and persecute and there's very little that you can say in response.