Real names

I named lil Cletus after my grandfather, my mom's dad. He also has my surname as a second middle name and, of course, his dad's last name. Yes, it's a poncey, long-winded four moniker solution. It's a lot of name for a little guy. I couldn't not give him a second middle name though - since his middle name and his last name put together are the name of a college in Tennessee. Yep, he might have been Cletus followed by Freed Hardeman, David Lipscomb, Carson Newman, Austin Peay or Volunteer State without the clever inclusion of an additional name. I'd be looking into possible scholarships, but that would mean he'd have to go to one of those schools.

Like any expectant couple, we played the name game. Only with boys' names, there was no contest, no discussion even. I was firm on my selection. And everybody, and I mean everybody seemed happy with that. This is largely because my grandfather was a widely respected, well-liked fellow who exuded integrity and honesty and affability. On girls' names, we struggled a little. He likes girly names and I like names that conjure up images of iron maidens. For example, I really like the name Gudrun. Even though I'd never have the guts to use it, I really like it.

I have some very strict guidelines about names. It has to be a real name, in common (though perhaps not frequent) usage in English speaking countries. It should not be a faddish name - either in beginnings or endings. (Here's a great post from the Baby Name Wizard blog about trends in name endings). And I have some other pet peeves, too. Are you using a surname as a first name? That's fine - but is that a family surname? Are you actually entitled to it? I hate youneek (unique) spellings, too. I also dislike nicknames given instead of full actual names - like Will, not William on the birth certificate. Seriously, parents they don't charge more for the extra ink.

Are any of these you - or your kids? Well, sorry. Sort of. I guess. No, actually not really. And some of my own family have done these things.

On my baby discussion forum there were endless, endless polls of names - people wanting feedback on a potential baby name and then getting really upset when they got it.

Here's one:

What do you think of the name Lacey Lane Lastname? Be honest.

OK, honestly? Honestly, that sounds like a stripper name. Yep, thanks mom and dad for saving your baby from a fun night of coming up with a porn star alias.

But that's hardly the worst of it. Over at Suburban Turmoil, Lindsay (is that a family name?) has compiled a list of some the worst baby names ever. My nomination - Truly Scrumptious* - made it to the finals. But the best (worst) one in my opinion is....Crystal Meth.


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*a co-worker's friend's partner named his daughter from a previous relationship Truly Scrumptious, a character in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.