The Vol-in-Law is quite upset because our koi carp, Caspar Weinberger is dead. We used to have two koi, both ghost koi, one called Caspar (of course) and the other Weinberger (well, it does kinda follow).
Weinberger or Caspar (they were indistinguishable) was killed last year by Lion Cat, a neighborhood tom. We have no definitive proof it was Lion Cat, but we saw him murderously hunching over the fish pond trying to get the other koi. So we called the remaining koi Caspar Weinberger in honor of his (her?) previous companion. But today I found Caspar Weinberger dead.
I broke the news as gently as possible.
Me: Caspar Weinberger is dead
ViL: Caspar Weinberger is dead? Where?
Me: In the fish pond.
ViL: Is that what they're calling New Orleans now? He was there?!
Me: No, our fish, Caspar Weinberger.
Then there was the entire post-mortem on the fish, during which I had to turn off the tv (it would have seemed churlish to turn it back on). When did I find him? (This morning) Where is he now? (I have removed the body, that's all you need to know).
One thing's for sure it wasn't Lion Cat this time. This time it was our own negligent incompetence as fish pond owners. We turned off the pump because it was clogging with weed and then didn't clean it out. We saw Caspar Weinberger gasping for air yesterday (I'm ashamed to say), but it was like the last beautiful day of the summer and we were drinking beer in the garden and cleaning the pump is a yucky job, and we knew it was gonna rain last night which would oxygenate the water, and for goodness sake anyway, couldn't Caspar Weinberger take some personal responsibilty?
Anyway, I found him dead this morning, but I didn't remove the body until I got home this evening. (I was running late).
The Vol-in-Law feels real bad about it (culpable piscicide, he says). "I am as bad as a Republican," he says.
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