Monday, September 26, 2005

The Vol Abroad confesses all

I'm a little tickled by the revelations of Gas Guy . Gas Guy is supposed to be a blog about a Nashville gas station attendant, which I didn't read. But now Gas Guy has said he isn't really in Nashville and in fact hasn't been to Nashville, and it's all fiction. Rex L Camino admits on his Blog of Doom, that he's not in Nashville either. But I don't believe him.

So I thought maybe it was 'fess-up time for the Vol Abroad. Here goes -

I really am in Nashville, not in London at all. I'm just pretending to be an expat. I've only ever been to London, Kentucky.

OK, that's a lie.

I would like to confess however that:
  • I'm a little behind on my current work project.
  • I did cause the dishwasher frothing overload incident of 1988 by filling the soap tray with dishwashing liquid not dishwasher powder. I didn't know for sure that it would do that, but I had a pretty good idea.
  • I have stolen at least one piece of office equipment from every job I've ever had, but nothing more major than a stapler or pencil sharpener, and nothing yet from my current job - it's a leaving thing I do.
  • There just might be an outstanding parking ticket from the City of Knoxville for a car registered in my mom's name. (I'm sure there'll be an amnesty soon, VolMom).
  • Every kid I ever babysat for got to stay up past their bedtime.
  • I cheated in Driver's Ed
  • I never paid for my prom ticket, so my high school wouldn't give me my diploma or send my transcripts on. But I knew where everything was kept in the office, including the signature stamp. I went in to school found my transcripts, stamped them with the official stamp and sent them on to UT where I got bachelors and a masters. I still have dreams that I've been caught and have to go back and do my final year of high school all over. (I don't know why I can't just dream they come after me for the prom ticket money).
  • I probably sold your wedding gift to me in my grandfather's estate sale. (OK, not the one from St Caffeine - it's a pewter tray and I still have it.)

You know, I don't really feel any better.


St. Caffeine said...

You know, Vol, I'm really starting to not like you very much. I'm at the end of the day and I'm thinking of "phoning in" a cheap post. First, though, I cruise my usual reading list and I see that you've managed to crack me up yet again. You're bad for an aspiring blogger's self esteem.

A couple of comments:
1. Is the prom ticket story REALLY true? Sure, I can see the old HS powers that be trying to pull it off, but did they actually refuse to release your transcripts and such? I guess I shouldn't be surprised in that one of our guidance counselors misspelled my name on a rec letter for me.

2. I'm touched that you still have my wedding gift to you. I swear that (prior to reading your post) I couldn't have told you what I got you, but I remember now (was there some sort of acorn motif involved?). Of course you could be lying about still having it, but I figure you're telling the truth since you remember what the gift was.

Vol Abroad said...

Yes it's definitely oak leafy. I use it to store my rechargeable batteries and other such and sundry.

I don't know if they would have definitely refused me my transcripts, but I definitely went in there and got them myself.