t-21: ante-natal class, 2nd time

Last week we were late to our ante-natal (pre-natal) classes. These are free and offered by the NHS at the hospital where I'm registered to give birth. (Yes, I'm scheduled for a home birth, but attended by employees of this hospital trust). We only live across the street from this place, but the Vol-in-Law was very grumpy, didn't really want to go and dragged his ass and so we were late.

I was FURIOUS. And I mean, spittin' mad. I was so mad that I might have felt sorry for him for having to put up with me, if he hadn't been the cause of me being so mad.

And things didn't get any better once we got to the class. They were doing group activities where we flip charted our expectations for the class. And because we were late, somebody else had the flip chart pen. Because of the ViL and his arse dragging, that meant I didn't have the flip chart pen or at least the opportunity to magnanimously decline the flip chart pen, despite my superior facilitiation skills or the fact that my usual day rate for facilitation is probably around half the other woman's monthly take home (not that I actually get that money, but still). And then she committed the flip charting faux pas of actually altering someone's point as she charted it (it's ok to abbreviate although you should ask, it's never OK to change).

A woman said that one of her expectations for the class was to learn about breastfeeding. Well Miss Flip Chart Pen said "Yes, they're a bit heavy handed on the breast feeding. Not everyone can do that. I'll just put down feeding." And then she proceeded to put down "Feeding. Different methods." (BTW, it would have been OK, if she'd said - yes, breastfeeding - but I'll put down formula feeding, too - as she was a participant-facilitator.)

I thought I kept schtum about it, but apparently I harrumphed. I didn't really want to become a breastfeeding Nazi. But heck, there are fewer and fewer privileges to being well-educated and middle class and if I can't look down on people for their inferior feeding choices then that list just got unacceptably short.

I did start to feel a little bit better when another woman arrived even later than we did. And she was alone. She said "My husband doesn't like hospitals," and she sat down - all our eyes upon her.

-0-

We talked about this later in the week and the importance of the ViL attending and why we needed to be on time. We talked about how important it was for me not to be the woman who showed up alone, how I didn't want people to think that I was a single mom.

Like that other woman, the ViL said. Who couldn't even manage to get her husband to show up for birth class.
Yes, I said.
And everyone else was thinking. Oh dear, she can't manage to even get her husband to show up for birth class.
Yes, I said.
And that she knew that's what everyone else was thinking.
Yes, I said. I mean how does she expect to be a decent parent if she can't even control her husband?

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We weren't late this week. But there were some other disappointing things about the class. This week was about pain relief and the 2nd stage of labor (the pushing bit). The midwife teaching the class seemed terribly pro-epidural. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad epidurals exist. But there are trade-offs with every medical choice you make.

In her talk, there was very little about the possible side-effects of epidurals and it was only when pressed that the reality of being paralysed from the waist down emerged.

If you have an epidural:

1. you will be put on a fetal monitor
2. you will be put on an iv
3. you will be catheterised

The fetal monitor thing doesn't sound so bad, but many people complain that medical staff focus on the numbers and not them. Also, if baby's numbers jump (as I suspect they might in the drama of birth) you'll be whisked off for an emergency c-section.

Not only that, but epidurals, the midwife granted usually slow down labor - simply because you can't get up and about and let gravity be your friend. (Even with a "mobile epidural" that only means that you can move your legs, they won't actually support you.) In a hospital birth, she said, you have to be on a pathway of progression. And once the second stage kicks in (post 10 cm dilation) - if you have an epidural you have ONE HOUR only to get the baby out, otherwise - it's c-section city. Without an epidural, they give you more time. Plus you're more likely to have other interventions (ventouse or forceps assisted delivery and episiotomies) if you've had an epi.

I'll grant the midwife some credit, she did admit that sometimes epis fail to work at all - or in my imaginings - even worse - they only numb half your body.

Oh, yeah. Plus they put a big old needle in your back. I've had a needle in my back before and I can't say I enjoyed it. I was sick with high fever for days around the time I turned 18, in hospital, on demerrol, the whole thing was really a blur - but I do remember that spinal tap. Quite clearly recall it and the fear I felt.

Apparently, at my hospital there's an 80% epidural rate for first time mothers. I'm not saying that some people don't progress a lot better with an epi than without, but somehow that epi rate seems really high. (It's true that our hospital does deal with a LOT more high risk deliveries than most - it's a centre of excellence for such things - but still...)

Anyway, I've decided that an epidural is not for me. And while things can change - what won't change is that I've definitely decided I'm not going for an epidural as a first option. Of course, with a home birth - it's not actually an option at all.

21 days til baby Cletus